
Grace Light Ministries

TESTIMONIES
MICHAEL'S MOMENT WITH GOD
By Kelly Grōth
A TRUE STORY OF HEALING AND DELIVERANCE
FROM THE BONDAGE OF UNFORGIVENESS; HOURS OF COUNSELING
VERSES A MOMENT IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD
I met Mike at the boy's State Training School, where I have been (when this was written) doing Bible study ministry with some of Iowa's most troubled boys for about 14 years now. Over the years, I have ministered to what must be hundreds of boys, both in small groups and individually. Through this ministry, I've gotten to know boys who have been into drugs, gangs, homosexuality, fornication, the occult, self-mutilation, etc. Boys who have been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused... Boys who have children of their own, boys who have abused others, boys who have committed heinous crimes such as murder, rape, incest, etc. You name the worst issues boys are facing today, and I most likely have seen or heard about them firsthand from these boys.
The first time I met Mike was at a fellowship night, where the chaplain and I met with all the boys in the cottage I do Bible studies in. There are 8 cottages at the state training school in Eldora, with about 20 to 30 boys per cottage. Fellowship night is where we feed the boys a simple meal like hot dogs, chips, pop, and a dessert. We might also play ping-pong, pool, cards, or just talk with the boys. We try to let them get to know us; that way, the idea of going to Bible study isn't quite so threatening.
As I sat down at one of the tables, Mike introduced himself. It was surprising to me how quickly he began sharing his story. He told me how his father had sexually abused him. The hatred he expressed was "Grand Canyon" deep. He hated his father beyond the point of wishing him dead. He said that when he had the chance, he would take great pleasure in urinating all over his father's grave—his actual wording was much stronger.
The next Tuesday, Mike showed up at Bible study. The weeks that followed would be very challenging. It has been rare that I didn't look forward to going to the training school—it’s usually a blessing. But, among the hundreds of boys I've ministered to, Mike was, in some ways, the most difficult to deal with. Although I have come close, I have never asked a boy to leave my study. Although I've let boys know they are approaching the line, I don't recall ever having to send them out. Mike was definitely pushing the line. Control was an issue for him. He was consistently trying to manipulate the study—it seemed he always had to be in charge. If I was going to study a certain passage of the Bible, he had another passage he wanted to study; if I had a topic I wanted to address, he had another topic. But I struggle to put into words what it was like trying to carry on a conversation with Mike. All I can say is that he was a master at controlling a conversation. It wasn't long before I realized that politely asking Mike was not going to work. I found myself repeatedly saying things like, "Michael, please stay on topic," "Michael, please don't interrupt," and "Mike, you are not the Bible study leader."
As the weeks went on, more of Michael's story unfolded. He went on to share how he, himself, had molested both his brother and sister. Michael was obviously in very serious sexual bondage. I've heard lots of stories, and Mike's was definitely one of the worst. From week to week, he would share how he was getting in trouble for sexually acting out. It was very disturbing to hear, which is another reason I didn't feel like being around him. In all honesty, I didn't want to even touch him, like pat him on the back or even shake his hand. If I did, I felt like washing my hands, and actually, that was the first thing I wanted to do when I got out of the cottage.
There came a day when Mike said that it was sounding like he would be sent straight to prison after getting out of the training school. He was preparing himself for the worst. At this point, I was still feeling very frustrated with Michael's need to be in control and disgusted by what he was sharing. I really didn't feel he was allowing me to reach him. I told him, "Mike, I know the Lord does not want you to go to prison, and if I can share truths from God's word to help set you free, that is what I want to do, but you have got to let me share with you! I opened up and really began letting him know how I felt. I said very boldly, "I come here on my own time to help you. I don't come here to entertain you or to just listen to your talk. I am here to share God's word with you, but if you will not give me the opportunity to do that, then there is, in my opinion, really no need for me to meet with you."
Michael's response surprised me. Where I thought there would be defensiveness, there was humility; where I thought there would be rebellion, there was repentance. Michael very quickly agreed with me and said, "That is a problem I have. I do that pretty much with everybody; I need you to tell me to shut up."
At this point, I saw a glimmer of hope. I believe this was a real turning point. It was after this that I was able to share some key truths that I felt would hopefully begin to set him free. Things like the power of biblical self-talk and weapons versus essentially taking key verses of Scripture that deal with a specific issue one is facing and applying them to one’s life through memorization and speaking them into and through one’s life.
Although I felt we had made some progress, it was still difficult. Sometimes, when Mike would talk about things pertaining to his story, I would just let him talk. There were other nights I would bring in a DVD; after all, it was hard for him to talk while watching, and he would hopefully gain some valuable truths and insights.
But there was one night that particularly disturbed me. Michael had once again gotten into trouble for his actions. He had acted out in regard to one of the nurses. Although it didn't appear too serious on the outside, the staff had him shipped once again to "the Stew" or Stewart Hall... His demeanor was a bit down when he came to Bible study. But what really disturbed me was what he went on to say he would have done had he had the opportunity. I think it was that very night that I found out Michael was going to be released and sent home with the very siblings he had sexually abused! I must tell you, I left the training school that night very disturbed, shocked, and angry. Angry with a system that would let a kid like that back out on the street. As I got in my car, I slammed the palm of my hand on the steering wheel and yelled, "What are they thinking? I started praying about what I should do. The thought went through my mind to approach the staff concerning this decision. I was hopping mad. As I pulled up to the stop sign, I cried out, "Lord, either send him to prison or set him free!" It was not a quiet, unemotional request; it came from the core of my being—I yelled it! I was so angry!
I pretty much left it with God, but throughout the week the situation would come to mind, and I would just pray silently in my heart, "Lord, I know you have called me to minister at the training school; this is in your hands.
In my past ministry experiences, I have witnessed God's power in healing and deliverance from demonic bondage. I knew in my heart that this was what Michael needed, but I was concerned with the commotion that could come with that—I’m only a wall away from the staff and students in the main part of the cottage. Then, I reminded myself that God can accomplish anything. So, I prayed about the possibility.
The next Tuesday, I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time. I had a wonderful time with the Lord before I left and really felt a freedom that day that I rarely experience. I spent the first 15 minutes talking with Michael and 5 more minutes addressing prayer needs. After our prayer, I asked Michael something that I had been pondering. I said to him, "Michael, I know you get tons of counseling here. I know how angry you are about all that your father did to you. And from what I understand about a lot of cases like yours, when kids who have been abused the way you have are, they often repeat what was done to them. It is usually not so much about the sex as it is about the anger. Michael said, "Yeah, that's right." I then said, "I was just wondering, what are they telling you to do with all that anger? He responded, "They just tell me to let it out."
I resolved to give it my best shot at addressing what I believed was the real issue at the heart of Michael's bondage—I knew this was my last shot. I prayerfully continued, "Michael, that's good; you need to let it out. But I believe there is something more, something they may not be addressing: the spiritual element. I want to share a story with you. It's a true story that has a lot of similarities to what you have been going through. Have you ever heard the story of Corrie ten Boom?" "No,” he said.
I continued, "Well, Corrie, as a young lady, grew up in Holland…”
Below is who Corrie was. And I included the actual excerpt from Corrie ten Boom’s book, The Hiding Place.
Corrie ten Boom
Corrie ten Boom has long been honored by evangelical Christians as an exemplar of Christian faith in action. Arrested by the Nazis along with the rest of her family for hiding Jews in their Haarlem home during the Holocaust, she was imprisoned and eventually sent to the Ravensbrück concentration camp along with her beloved sister, Betsie, who perished there just days before Corrie's own release on December 31, 1944. Inspired by Betsie's example of selfless love and forgiveness amid extreme cruelty and persecution, Corrie established a post-war home for other camp survivors trying to recover from the horrors they had escaped. She went on to travel widely as a missionary, preaching God's forgiveness and the need for reconciliation. Corrie's devout moral principles were tested when, by chance, she came face to face with one of her former tormentors in 1947. The following description of that experience is excerpted from her 1971 autobiography, The Hiding Place, written with the help of John and Elizabeth Sherrill.
I'm Still Learning to Forgive
It was in a church in Munich that I saw him, a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken. It was 1947, and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. ...
And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbrück concentration camp, where we were sent. ... "You mentioned Ravensbrück in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard in there." No, he did not remember me.
"I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us."
"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein, ..." his hand came out, ... "will you forgive me?"
And I stood there — I whose sins had every day to be forgiven — and could not. Betsie had died in that place — could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." ... And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion — I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand, I can do that much. You supply the feeling."
And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!"
For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely as I did then.
BACK TO MICHAEL’S STORY
So, when I shared the part about Corrie forgiving the guard, Michael jumped up out of his chair, fist drawn, as if ready for a fight, and the words forcefully flew out of him: "She forgave him!"
I said, "Yes, she did," and explained, "Michael, God is willing to forgive us our sins, so we must also be willing to forgive others from our hearts. I know in your own strength it would be impossible for you to forgive your father, but with God’s help, would you allow me to lead you in a prayer to forgive him?" Thankfully, he said, "Yes."
So, still sitting across the room from him, I led him in a simple prayer to forgive his father. It went something like this: "Dear heavenly Father, thank you that you were willing to send your only begotten Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to die in my place, that I may be made holy and experience your forgiveness of all my sins. I know that, like all sinners, I deserve hell and separation from you. With your help, in faith, I choose to now forgive my earthly father. Help me also, as I am choosing now to forgive myself and anyone else I have been holding bitterness toward. Lord, you are the only true lawgiver and judge, not me. Please forgive me now. In Jesus name. Amen.
Right after leading Michael in that prayer, I opened my eyes and looked across the room at him. His head was still bowed. And I reached a hand out toward him and began to pray over him. I prayed, "Father, thank you for hearing Michael’s prayer. I speak healing over all of the woundedness that others have inflicted upon him. In Jesus name, I speak freedom from any demonic bondage right now."
I didn’t know what God was going to do, but I was expecting him to move. And he did. As I spoke those last words about being set free from bondage, Michal fell to the floor. I had never had this happen in the training school, so it kind of caught me off guard. As he lay there on the floor for a while, which seemed like hours, I continued praying over him, not sure if he could hear me.
Keep in mind that the staff and the other students were only a wall away, with a rather large glass window in the wall and one in the door. My flesh finally got the best of me. I slowly got up, stepped over him—he was facing the other way—and gently asked, "Are you okay?" Dazed and confused, Michal slowly looked up at me—one eye twitching—and asked, "Whaat hap..pend? I feel something coming off of me." I said, I believe God is setting you free from the bondage of all the bitterness you’ve held towards your father." I then said, "Go ahead, get up, and sit in your chair."
As he sat down, I asked, "What are you feeling right now?" He said, "Something is still coming off of me." I asked him if he felt any freer. He gave me a small percentage, like 15%, and said that it was mostly gone.
Something major happened that night—so powerful, so freeing. I too was changed. I now see Michael as my Christian brother. Everything changed in a moment. God came through!
It was time for me to leave. As I walked with him out to the main area, there was a staff member seated just outside the door. Michael turned to him and said, "God dropped me on the floor!" The staff just nodded his head and said, "Uh-huh." Rather sheepishly, I cringed inside, not sure how that would go over. The staff member sighed, looked up at me, and asked, "You want me to let you out the back?" "Yes, please." I left in complete awe and wondered at what my God had done in this young man’s life in just a matter of minutes.
I will be getting ready to go to the training school later this afternoon, after noon. As I consider the fact that Michael will not be there, lots of things go through my mind. I really didn't want to be around him. And how I'm saddened and humbled by that response now. And at this moment, I am saddened by the fact that I'm really going to miss him. I told God, "I now see him as Your child, in Christ. Thank you for this love you have put in my heart."
All I can do, and all I ask of you, dear listener, is to please pray with me for Michael. Father, thank you for touching his life the way you did. In doing so, you touched mine as well. Thank you! Please help Mike find his way. Help him find a good church home and mentors who can encourage and be encouraged by him. Help him to stay in your word, to listen for your voice, and to always remember that he is special to you. Help him through your Holy Spirit to never give up but to always trust you to take him the next mile on his journey. In Jesus name. Amen.